No big deal? Yeah you might have seen me on the streets, oh, never? Yeah hi my name’s Jeff and I’ll be doing your groceries for you and driving you to work and sitting on your lap and doing your job. After keeping me on staff for ten years you might be lucky enough to see a pair of Jordan 1 lows in white on the street. I don’t care, not even the Beastie Boys could make these shoes suck.

If I saw a pair of these on the street (say, on the US east coast) my stomach would be in my throat, and if someone reached over to me, with this box, and motioned for me to take it, my knees would buckle. And I’ve been wearing Wallies every day since July. But this is what this site is all about, reporting true motha fockin heat units. I would wear these in Ed Koch’s NY and fully expect my throat to be slit - EAR TO EAR - and on the table, I’d lay facing my inevitable and all too sullied eternal slumber, I would grin, looking down at my feet in white Jordans and black socks, dark purple blood on my shoes and a bunch of teeth on the ground, but both of them on, I can’t see my toes or feel my face. You could have corkscrew curls and look cool in these. Jordan 1s look cooler on your feet than ANY other shoe, rare or otherwise.

Honestly man.. I don’t know what I can say about this shoe besides:

1. Good luck finding it on this continent.
2. Good luck finding it not shelled by zhieep, total POS ruining jay bil’s good time. wah jaybil.
3. Good luck finding it period.
4. I don’t even understand. Take a look at the scheller’s (hi sheller) other stuff. Hi, i’m a bernie kosar shirt, you might remember me from your UPS’ guy’s college dorm (starting bid $20). Oh dont mind me, just an all over print wolverines shirt with a wolverine on it. No big deal. (Not to mention the other stuff he has, lightning jersey, stussy rasta letterman jacket - xxl, some old ass champion tees… I love America)

These days everyone’s a sneakerhead but the oldest heat you see is from March. Oh wow, this year’s Jordan Vs? So you’re telling me you have $120? Cool. Sweet. Rare airs, where you been? Everytime you think the last deadstock (this isn’t ds, but its close) pairs only belong to Marc Jacobs’ life coach and 3 dudes in Japan, you see a pair up on ebay, just hanging out waiting to be plucked in the American heartland. It’s already been a great week for
vintage jordan ones, not the least of which i will be buried in. Like, damn. And whether your budget can cop any of these, it’s nice to (hopefully) know that these are going to real people somewhere (although I’ve been convinced that half of ebay are celebrity buyers for like, Stephen Dorff).

Wear in good health, always: